Veterinary Hell
by Metal Wolf Gemstone
Summary: What happens when you’re part dog? You need to take a trip to the vet! Poor Dorochet. A funny story about Greed taking the chimera to the vet’s for rabies shots.


**Veterinary Hell**

Rating: PG/PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. If I did, Doro would be main character instead of Ed and we would see a LOT more of Mustang's posse.

"I'M NOT GOING!"

"OH, YES YOU ARE!"

In a small, rundown, three-room, apartment, Greed was pulling Dorochet off the couch, but the ninja was reluctant to move.

"Oh, my God, Dorochet! Stop being so stubborn or I'll make Law get the newspaper!" The Homunculus roared.

"Hey! It's enough you guys tease me, but I am NOT going through with this!" Dorochet growled.

"Why you little-!" Greed was cut off by Marta.

"Stop yelling at the dog before he wets the couch," she said, not looking up from a newspaper she was reading.

"That's not funny!" Dorochet shouted.

Law walked in, "What the hell is with all this screaming?"

Greed grabbed Dorochet by the back neck of his shirt, "I need to take him to the vet, but he's just being stubborn."

Dorochet struggled, "I'M NOT GOING! I can just go see a normal doctor!"

"THIS IS DIFFERENT!" Greed yelled, "You need damn rabies shots 'cause your half dog!"

"Well, what about Law or Marta? They have animal in them too!" Dorochet protested.

"They are half bull and snake, they don't need rabies shots. And they act more human then you do!" Greed said.

"What are you talking about?" Dorochet asked.

"Well, let's just see Mr. Chews-on-my-shoes! How about having to chase the mailman, the neighbor's cat, and the stupid squirrels all the time!? And when you can't hold it anymore to wait for Marta to finish taking a shower, YOU GO ON THE DAMN KITCHEN FLOOR! You keep dog toys under my bed! And since there's not enough beds in this hellhole, you sleep in a little ball on a dog bed in my room! Not on a couch like a normal person! You bark! You growl! You drool! And when you think were not looking, you chew on a bone or take a sneak of dog food or dog treats!"

Dorochet was dumbstruck, "Uhh…. Well…. HEY!"

When the man was not paying attention, Law had retrieved a red collar and leash, and strapped the collar to Dorochet's neck.

"I'm not the least bit sorry," Law said as he made sure Dorochet couldn't take off the collar. "If this gets you two out of the house, I'll be able to rest."

Greed smirked and flicked the dog tag that read Dorochet's name, "Well, well, well…. I win!"

Dorochet growled.

Greed led the dog Chimera out of the apartment and to the car. Dorochet sat in the back of the black truck and stared out the window.

While they were driving, Greed looked up into the rearview mirror, "Stop moping, it will only be a second, then we'll be outta there and back home."

Dorochet just sighed.

Greed pulled into the Veterinary hospital's parking lot. "It's so damn hard to find a good parking spot," he mumbled. Once parked, Greed took Dorochet's leash and walked him across the lot towards the building.

"You can take off the leash and collar now, I'm fine," Dorochet said.

"Oh, no! I'm not going to take this off until were back home." Greed said.

"But-!" Dorochet started to protest, but then decided against it.

Once they entered the waiting room, all eyes turned to them. They walked up to the front desk and Greed started to talk.

Dorochet looked around. His canine instincts told him to tuck his tail beneath his legs and run like hell. But his human side knew better, and even if he had a tail it would definitely be tucked between his legs because of all the people looking at him.

Greed led Dorochet over to sit down. But when Dorochet sat on a chair, Greed shook his head and pointed at the floor.

"Greed. You're not serious-"

"I am. Now get on the ground like a good dog should."

Dorochet looked around and turned red with embarrassment. But he listened to his master and reluctantly slid off the chair and onto the floor.

The door opened and a black dog walked in, but it seemed to have a metal leg! Then Greed and Dorochet saw who was at the other end of the leash.

Edward Elric.

The boy stopped cold when he saw the two. His yellow eyes wide, "GREED?! I THOUGHT YOU DIED!"

"Shut up kid, there are sick animals here," Greed said, as if seeing Ed was no big deal.

"What the hell are you doing here!?" Ed commanded.

"Is it not obvious?" Greed asked as he held up the leash, "I'm taking my dog to get rabies shots!"

Ed looked down at the dog Chimera in confusion, "But…. That's Dorochet."

"Yeah, he's half dog. You forget that?"

Dorochet was looking at the ground, trying not to look anyone in the eye.

Ed's curiosity got the best of him, and he took a seat near Greed. Just one chair separating them, Ed wanted to be close enough to talk, but not too close.

"Tell me one thing," he said, "How….. How are you alive?"

Greed shrugged, "Don't rightly know."

Ed's face hardened, "You're not causing trouble, are you?"

"Depends on what you mean by trouble, kid."

"Uhhh….. Dorochet?" a vet called.

The Chimera looked up at the sound of his name.

Greed stood up and pulled on the leash, yanking Dorochet to his feet. He walked up to the vet.

The vet looked confused, "Uhm…."

"What?" Greed asked, "I made an appointment for Dorochet to get his rabies shots."

"I'm sorry, but this joke isn't funny," she said nervously.

"This isn't a joke! He's got part dog in him! Watch! Dorochet, sit!"

"Greed, I-"

"SIT!"

Dorochet obeyed and quickly sat down like a dog.

"Sir, I'm sorry but-"

"I don't have time for this shit. Let me talk to the person in charge, or at least an alchemist," Greed demanded.

The vet sighed and placed down her clipboard. She disappeared through a door.

"Can I stand now?" Dorochet asked.

"No!" Greed growled.

Dorochet decided not to argue with his master.

The vet returned with the owner apparently….. Colonel Roy Mustang.

"What the Hell!?" Greed exclaimed.

"I'm just as surprised to see you too," Mustang said. He looked at himself in his white coat, "Volunteering," he answered simply.

Greed nodded. "Well, I paid for Dorochet's rabies shots and I plan on having them."

"Well, Greed. You haven't been causing any trouble it seems. I can give Dorochet all thirteen shots," Mustang said.

"THIRTEEN SHOTS!!" Dorochet jumped to his feet, "Oh, no, no, no! Ain't gonna happen! I'm outta here!" He started to run for the door, but Greed pulled on the leash making the chimera fall to the ground.

"Come on dog boy," Greed said as he dragged Dorochet through the door that Mustang held open.

Dorochet tried to dig his nails into the cold tile floor as he was dragged down the hall, "Come on! I hate needles! One should be enough!"

"Well," Mustang said without looking to the pathetic chimera, "You are larger then any normal dog, so we needed to double the shots."

Dorochet started to whine as he was brought into a cold steel-colored room and Greed bent down to pick him up. He grunted, and with difficulty, lifted the stubborn ninja onto the steel table. A few vets had to restrain him and hold him down on his stomach, Greed held down his head.

Mustang took out a needle, filled with a yellow-like see through liquid. He came up to the frightened man, "Relax. This won't hurt at all..."

"And like I believe tha- YEOWCH!" Dorochet screamed, the needle jabbed into the back of his neck. "You said it wouldn't hurt!!" he growled.

"I didn't say it wouldn't hurt _you_," Mustang sneered as he situated his rubber gloves.

"Damn bastard..." Dorochet growled.

Soon, Mustang had finished giving Dorochet the shots. The Chimera had one shot in his neck, three in one arm, three in the other, two on the back, two in each leg, and one on the rear, he hated that the most.

"Okay now," Mustang said, "Have you ever considered neutering him?"

"WHAT!?" Dorochet screamed. He thrashed around and wiggled free of the vets' grasps. He ran around the room, dodging vets and heading for the door. He knocked over tables, spilled jars and tubes, tripped over wires, and finally dashed out of the room. When he made it to the waiting room he collapsed in front of Ed, holding his chest and panting.

"Really that bad?" Ed asked.

Dorochet sat up as Mustang and Greed walked up to him. He stared wide eyed and shivering.

"Relax!" Mustang said, "It was a joke!"

Dorochet glared, "NOT FUNNY!!"

"Your right..." Greed said, "... It was hilarious!" He and Mustang cracked up.

Dorochet growled, "I would just like to go home now."

Greed bent down and took hold of the leash as the dog Chimera stood up. "Man you're a pain in the ass," Greed said. He walked out of the building with Dorochet, "You know what dog boy? When you get worms, I'm not taking you again. It's gonna have to be Marta or Law."

Dorochet laughed, "When I get worms, I'm gonna barf up in your bed!"

"Ha. Ha. Very funny, Dorochet."

**The End!**


End file.
